Candy Says

Juju’s Awkward Blogs


I sleep, I snooze, I doze, I slumber, I am half way to sleep, half asleep, I am half way there, I think that I am inside sleep, I let myself be rocked by my tiredness, I let myself be taken by my falling to sleep because of my tiredness, I know where I am, I am in my bed, I am half way there, I am in the process of making myself sleep, I dream a little, I think of nothing, my thoughts are all supple, all resistance dissolving, my wakefulness falling, I have already slipped into the rocking, I am floating already, my defences have slowed, my muscles leave other muscles alone, my thoughts fall away, I have no more defence, my thoughts do exactly as they wish, I direct them towards drowsiness, lulling, numbing, I am supple, no longer scared, I stop being scared, I rock myself, I am going to turn over, I will find myself again in thoughts, I will return to the start of life, I don’t know where I will find myself, I will let myself slide, I will find myself there where I can think without looking, without looking at what I am thinking, without having to check the things that I am looking at, I am going to look at things for the pleasure of looking without knowing what it is that I am looking at, I will give it a knowing look, I will make heads turn and look at me and my look, I will be the look that turns, I close my eyes, I fall asleep, I will be the watched, I will no longer have ‘the look’, I will only be the watched, I’m going to turn back.

11 July 2014


On a cushion on a sofa. A cushion on the cushions on the sofa. A small cushion, one might say a ‘cushionette’. A cushion that is almost brown on the sofa. A good cushion. After everything, one needs to make a good cushion, a cushionette into a rectangle. It’s quite something. A cushion bounces back. A cushion bounces back like a good bed pillow. Soft too. A bed pillow that is soft but the size of a living room cushion. A soft cushion whose corners aren’t too sharp, it has no corners, it is soft, the cushion is tucked into the side of the sofa, the cushionette on the cushion on the sofa has no sharp angles. The cushion is big and puffed up, is on the sofa, is near the sofa, is rectangular on the sofa, is soft and smaller than a pillow. The cushion is smaller than the pillow, it is a puffed out cushionette on the edge of a cushion on the sofa. It is completely puffed up like my stomach after I have eaten. The cushionette looks small next to the cushion. The cushion is like my stomach when full and soft. The cushionette is bigger than my stomach when it is full because it knows what it takes to be a good cushion on the cushion of the sofa, in amongst other cushions, a small cushion, let’s say a cushionette, a soft cushionette.

1 June 2014